Anyone hates Hagrid why

Hey everyone

I hope I searched correctly, in any case I did not find a thread on this - in my opinion really exciting - theory.
It's about the following Reddit post: r / Hagrid Is A Death Eater

I know the post is rather long, but it's worth it.
It leads to the following assumptions:

 

Hagrid is a high ranking servant of Lord Voldemort.
Hagrid is secretly much more talented of a liar than he lets on.
Hagrid is secretly a much more talented wizard than he lets on.
Hagrid has been performing deep cover tradecraft, espionage, source validation, sabotage, and spotting and assessing for Voldemort.
Hagrid has been in the service of Lord Voldemort at least since the First Wizarding War, potentially since his time at Hogwarts.


I think the post is really strong.
It really makes sense, and while I don't think J.K. Rowling really wanted this, but I still can picture Hagrid as a Death Eater really well.
The evidence is too often coherent, even though the author himself says that the theory is not necessarily "entirely serious".

I read the entire series watching for anything to prove or disprove Hagrid being a Death Eater, and by far the majority of the evidence points toward Hagrid as a servant of the Dark Lord. Is this what J.K. Rowling intended? Almost certainly not! Is this theory given entirely seriously? Definitely not.

What do you think of the theory?
Do you agree that Hagrid could really be a Death Eater?
Or do you just find it all "rotated so that it fits"?