Why don't my brothers respect my girlfriend?
The child does not want to accept mom's new partner
If the child struggles by all means against accepting the mother's new life partner, the whole family will have a difficult time. Here are a few tips that can help you in this situation.
A parent's new relationship can have very different effects on the family constellation. Some families blend into a blended family fairly smoothly, while other families have little tragedies. It is quite normal for children to be reluctant to approach a new partner at first. Often they also react with jealousy and a defensive attitude at first because they see Mama's new friend as an intruder. Behind this are various fears and fears. For example, children are afraid that their biological father could be ousted. Some children who have lived alone with their mother for a long time sometimes do not want to share them at first or are afraid of losing their mother too.
Overcome fear of loss in conversation
These initial fears can often be overcome through clarifying discussions. Sometimes children reject the new partner for a long time and violently out of jealousy or selfishness. Occasionally, the child may refuse to speak to or do something with the mother's new friend, which can seriously disrupt family harmony.
This can also have worse consequences. Martin A. from Berlin reports: "At first, my three brothers and I couldn't accept our mother's new boyfriend at all, so she separated from him for a while." His mother's relationship survived this difficult time, but it still exists also many cases in which a new love finally fails as a result.
It takes time and perseverance
There is no silver bullet for responding to a child's jealousy and disapproval, but a few tips that can help you. Above all, they need a lot of time and perseverance. Discuss the problems with your friend and ask them to be patient. Above all, you should keep talking to your child about their fears and fears and take them seriously.
Make it clear to your child that you understand their fears, but that they are unfounded and show them with a lot of security and love how important it is to them. If your child sees their partner as a competitor, explain to them that the new relationship will not change your motherly love. In front of your friend, show your child how much you love them so that they can see that the new one is not a competitor.
If your child fears that the birth father may be ousted, keep explaining to him that this is not the case. You can invite your child to tell your new friend about their father. In this way it realizes that the father continues to have a place in his life. Your friend can also make it clear to the child that he does not want to argue with the father, even if he understands the child's fears.
Involve the biological father if possible
You can also talk to your birth father about the problems. If you have a good relationship with him, he too can talk to the child about the reservations about his "successor". The grandmother or another caregiver can also have a clarifying conversation with the child.
You also have the opportunity to read a child-friendly book with your child, in which children first have difficulties with their mother's new partner and then get on well with them. Such books show children that it is similar to others and that a blended family can also have advantages.
In front of your child, point out the advantages of the partner, such as being good at reading aloud, telling stories, or helping with homework. If the child continues to be stubborn, explain how important a new partner is to you. Show your child that you are violating the negative attitude and that you will not allow yourself to be blackmailed.
Never lose patience, even if your child struggles for a long time. When you react with anger, the anger towards your friend can build up. However, if the situation does not improve at all, you can also visit a family or child therapist. Acceptance of a new partner cannot be forced, but in general a child gradually gets used to the new situation.Last updated on May 23, 2021 at 3:31 am. We point out that the prices displayed here may have changed in the meantime. All statements without guarantee.
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