I'm ruining my own relationship
How do I ruin my relationship - but for good
"Do you have anything else in common with your husband?" - "Yes, we got married on the same day."
If you are in a committed relationship, then you should urgently think about how you can remedy this undynamic state. And if your relationship is already in crisis, then you urgently need strategies to turn the crisis into a tangible disaster. So you definitely need this book because it tells you how to use simple tools to ruin your relationship in no time.
If necessary, the book can also be read differently: as a suggestion to avoid certain, frequently occurring and serious mistakes in order to prevent or even end a relationship crisis. One can also use the advice to analyze and understand the difficulties in the relationship and to change one's own actions. But that would be boring and would lead to a perfectly normal relationship, without dynamics, without misunderstandings, without vicious circles and self-fulfilling prophecies: in short, dreary, unattractive and without a challenge.
Claudia and Rainer Sachse have not yet managed to ruin their relationship and have lived happily together for 21 years.
Leading relationships - the ultimate challenge!
Advice for beginners
Six basic steps that will ruin a relationship
Settings with crash guarantee -
Or: The more absurd your ideas, the stronger the effect
Advice for advanced users:
Clever games that break down every partnership
"I'm so poor off!"
the game "poor pig"
"It's not my fault!" -
the game "victim of circumstances"
"Always on the little fat ones" -
the "always me game"
"My name is rabbit" -
the game "victim of other people"
"I am stupid and you are smart" -
the "stupid game"
"At your service without a wish" -
the game of submission
"I am the determiner here!"
the game of "rule-setter"
"I am the greatest in the universe" -
the game "Mords-Molly"
Here we go! The first game:
"I'm so poor off!"
or: the game »Poor Pig«
The game "Poor Pig" is very popular. The term "poor pig" already suggests that the players mostly "show suffering", that they exaggerate their problems and their helplessness and that it would be wise as a playing partner not to take everything so seriously and to get to grips with oneself little to distance from it!
The core of the game is: »I'm so poor and helpless! I can't help myself! You take responsibility for me!
Comfort me, save me, do something for me! «With a little practice anyone can play this game. The main purpose of the game is to get attention, affection and consolation from the partner and also to give the partner a high degree of responsibility for certain areas.
Like all games, it consists of images and appeals. A person tries to create a certain image of an interaction partner, here: the image of being poor and helpless. The image includes e.g. B .:
- I'm particularly poor.
- I suffer a lot (from problems, symptoms, other people, circumstances, etc.).
- The suffering manifests itself in many areas, e.g. B. in depression, irritability, sleep disorders, fears, physical problems, etc.
- I can't help with these problems.
- I am disadvantaged, »battered«, exploited, etc.
- I can't fight back.
- I can't do anything, I'm completely helpless.
- If I do something, things will only get worse.
The game occurs in very different variants, z. B .:
She: “Today my boss pissed me off again, and I stood there and didn't know what to say. I was barely able to hold back the tears, but when he was gone I collapsed! ”(In fact, the boss only made a brief critical comment and she was a little pissed off.)
He: »I have such pain in my arm! I can't move it at all! When I try to grab something, I feel a burning pain up to the shoulder joint. I can't stand it! «(In fact, it is a moderate pulling, but one could certainly endure.)
She: “I can't go to your parents' house; I can't stand your mother! If I only listen to it for five minutes, I get unbearable headaches and then I have them for three days! "(In fact, she just doesn't feel like talking to her mother-in-law.)
You pull: We continue to improve from "dramatic" to rescuing cavalry
If you play the game well, you play it dramatically: Through his behavior he makes it completely clear to his partner how badly he is suffering, makes it unmistakably clear how helpless he is, etc. He does this not only with words, but also with gestures, posture, Vocal range, etc.: You walk stooped, your voice trembles, you can hardly pronounce the words, in short: the image is a total work of art! If the partner could listen objectively, it would quickly become clear to him that the cause (what the person is supposedly suffering from) has absolutely no relation to the extent of the suffering: Everything is exaggerated, inflated, dramatized (hence also "poor pig"). But: As a rule, the partner cannot be objective; he is usually first impressed by the drama!
But then it doesn't stop at the image: The person also expects a certain behavior from the interaction partner, i. H. she sends appeals, here z. For example: »Comfort me!«, »Help me!«, »Do something for me!«, »Stay with me!«, »Protect me!«, »Don't ask anything of me!« Etc. What is expected of the interaction partner z. B.,
- that he takes responsibility;
- that he specifically says what the person should do (i.e. giving advice);
- that he cares, pays attention to the person;
- that he comforts, gives encouragement;
- that he supports the person, shows solidarity and the like;
- that it relieves the person of work, relieves them.
When you play the poor pig game, you have to give yourself the image of being very poor, very helpless, all alone and on your own. You must also make it clear that you are suffering, that you are (very) badly, that you are severely impaired. And you have to make it clear that you cannot get rid of your suffering on your own. Show that you need outside help, that you absolutely need it. And remember: You can play the game the better and more believable, the more you believe all of this yourself: So it's good if you get into the content yourself and make it clear to yourself again and again how battered and helpless you really are are! You must really feel this helplessness! She has to become a part of you! Then, and only then, will you be able to convey it properly. However, this will likely take a little practice; So use every opportunity (also towards friends or colleagues), then you will soon be able to master the game in its Antigone variant: whining loudly and lamenting, crying, tensing up your body, sobbing (only in this case is the game really a "total work of art": It is not only played verbally, but with the use of the whole body and all acting skills).
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