How am I supposed to know it's over

Should i break up? 5 things that speak for it

The problem with the whole thing about breaking up is that we usually know very well that it would be right to break up. But unfortunately we are not always logical when it comes to love matters. And so many separations turn into drama in several acts. It doesn't have to be, because in the end it just hurts you and your partner even more.

Therefore, pay attention to certain situations and manners. There are some signs in a partnership that show you quite clearly when the relationship is in a mess and you have actually already moved away from each other.

In the video: Separation despite love - in these cases it unfortunately makes sense

Video by Aischa Butt

Reasons to break up: No, it's not THAT

Many would say that a relationship is over when there is little or no more sex. When love has taken on badly amicable to platonic traits. Then it would be time to break up.

But that is not necessarily the case. Many relationships, in which the passion has given way to real, deep feelings for one another after a few years of living together, are absolutely great and a win for both sides.

It is about other things that show that a relationship is no longer what it should be: a loving relationship with one another and a give and take that does not demand, but gratefully accepts.

Therefore: Here are 5 things that suggest it was time to break up - and it's not lack of sex!

1. You enjoy the time without him more than before

You used to spend every free minute together. Today you notice that you are more happy when he doesn't have time for you, or - if you live together - you are happy when you come home and notice that he is not there. Even if each of us needs freedom: If the feeling of wanting to be alone in a relationship predominates, then something is wrong.

A yardstick is the following: think about when you were last happy to see him and do something with him. If that was a long time ago and you hardly do anything together that deserves the name "date", then that doesn't really speak for a relationship in which both partners make an effort for each other.

Of course, after several years of relationship, you don't have to pull ten legs off like you did at the beginning. But doing nothing with each other that makes you happy together is not a good sign and can speak for a separation.

But before you ask "Should I break up?" answer, there are a few other things you should check out.

How the end of a relationship is announced & how you deal with the breakup

2. You interpret everything negatively

It's the false neck principle. No matter what your partner says: you interpret it negatively. There is hardly a topic on which you do not clash directly or on which you feel attacked. Like a minefield, your relationship life has become a constant struggle.

You are constantly misunderstanding each other and there are also certain topics that you no longer really listen to because you are straight back on your feet.

Unfortunately, as harsh as it sounds, this is a pretty clear sign that it's time to break up. Because let's be honest: Whoever only accepts the worst from his partner doesn't really feel loved, does he?

Of course there are sensitive issues in every relationship where everyone has their own opinion. but that is not the point. It is about a fundamentally negative attitude towards the partner, which manifests itself in many small arguments and niggles.

Where did the butterflies go? 5 tips to save the relationship

3. You have lost your culture of argument

Arguments are important in a relationship. So not that you have it, but that you know how to lead it. Magic word: culture of debate.

This means, among other things: no quarrel in front of others. No manslaughter arguments. Listen to each other and let them finish speaking. This is important among lovers because it shows respect for one another.

However, if you notice that everything that used to be taboo has long since crept in and you now have quite rough manners, then question that. Respect is essential in a partnership. And this ability is most evident where it is most difficult, namely in an argument.

Anyone who can remain tolerant and fair, even though they could burst with anger, really argues. Anyone who goes more and more to the throat with their partner, although it used to be different, should consider breaking up sooner.

Killing me softly: How to end a relationship fairly

4. You find yourself talking badly about him

In conversations about your relationship, you find yourself talking badly about your partner over and over again. And then you start to justify yourself and then have the bad feeling that you betrayed him a bit.

This, too, is an alarm signal that you should take seriously. Because if something bothers you about your boyfriend, you can tell your girlfriend, the only question is: why? If you want something to change, talk to him about it, not your girlfriend.

Getting advice is always ok, but let's be honest: When I talk badly about my partner, I don't really seek advice, I just vent my anger. Looking for a solution to the problem looks different.

In the video: You shouldn't do these things after a breakup

Video by Aischa Butt

5. Your caresses tend to zero

As I said: a lack of sex in a relationship does not have to mean that you have to break up (there are always phases that are wilder and those where both are stressed and their heads are elsewhere). But that is only correct if there are enough other physicalities in the relationship.

Sex isn't just about penetration and everything else is boring. Sex begins when your partner looks at you when you're naked in the bathroom and you notice that he thinks you are hot as a rat. When he strokes the back of your neck because he missed you being close. If he kisses you deeply, just like that. All of this is also a promise that he will find you physically attractive. And it also testifies to a loving approach. Physicalities are very important for a relationship.

If the sex act itself goes through phases of drought or is stuck in the routine - something can be done about it. But if you live next to each other without the need for physical closeness (of any kind), then you should think about whether it wouldn't be better to be friends instead of a couple.

Should I break up: yes or no?

All of these signs should make you thoughtful. But don't rush into anything. You don't have to end immediately if one or more points apply here. You can very well work on your relationship if you want to save it. And that is entirely in your hands and those of your friend. Most relationships are worth fighting for.