Why do narcissists marry so quickly

narcissism Love bombing - this is how you know your new boyfriend is a narcissist

According to psychiatrist Dale Archer, Love Bombing means showering your new partner with attention, gifts, and promises about the future. It seems like you have found the perfect partner who will read your every wish from your eyes. His amiable manner and helpfulness cannot be beat. You feel like you've found your soulmate.

One indicator that it is love bombing is the incredible speed with which he calls you the woman of his life and confesses his eternal love to you. Within just a few weeks, he has planned you firmly into his life, but also into your future. He is making plans to marry you or has already moved in with you.

From kindness to manipulation

There should probably be a warning tug in the stomach area by now. But the rose-tinted glasses will probably not slip until you notice that the new partner is taking up one hundred percent of your time. If you ask for a little more freedom, the friendly behavior turns into the opposite.

He punishes you with humiliation and meanness, because he sees your wish as ungrateful rejection. He expects everything in your life to revolve around him. If you also show other interests, he describes you as selfish. "It's a form of conditioning", explains Archer in a blog post on Psychology Today. “It's a tactic that manipulative people use, and it's actually a form of abuse. If you are dating someone who has the dark triad - narcissism, Machiavellian, or psychopathy - then it is likely that that person is trying to own you. "

Narcissists are people who compensate for their lack of self-esteem with an inflated image of themselves. If you unintentionally violate the artificial self-image in which you do not give him the expected, one hundred percent attention and make him the center of your universe, shows the egocentrism of this manipulative person.

Love bombing works on the “carrot and stick” principle. If you act according to his wishes, he will shower you with love. If you don't, you will be cruelly devalued by this narcissist. He screams or punishes you with silence and cold. Physical abuse is also not uncommon with Love bombing.

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Ways out of the relationship trap

It is difficult to recognize so-called love bombing exploitersbecause, unfortunately, narcissists are also very attractive. On the face of it, they seem full of independence, self-confidence and energy. In addition, there are people who keep entering into such relationships. Deborah Ward, author of the book Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with Mindfulness, explains in another blog post that there is a psychological theory that says we are attracted to people who remind us of our parents.

If we had a trauma in the past, whether with our parents or in past relationships, we try to compensate for the old pain with the new partner of the same type. So question your old relationship patterns! Especially important: don't try the kind person you did in the beginning "Good behavior" to get back when the love bombing turns into devaluation!

Realize that kindness was just a mask of a manipulative person and seek distance from the narcissist! People who really love you won't want to steal your own life from you. You can also get advice from a friend or someone you trust, who is objective about the situation. If necessary, a few trial lessons with a psychologist who can really help.