Some people are just different
“Resilience” - what do resilient people do differently?
Some people just can. You can cope with pressure, stress and failure without being harmed. On the contrary, with every crisis they grow and become even stronger.
The reason for this is a special characteristic: resilience.
Resilient is someone who does not allow himself to be “broken” by crises, but learns from every misfortune and, precisely through the experience of suffering, grows beyond himself and becomes even stronger and more resilient.
In other words: "Resilient is someone who can still find pearls with his head underwater."
The best symbol for resilience is the bamboo plant. The bamboo is the toughest plant in the world. Regardless of the conditions, flood or extreme drought, the bamboo grows in all weather conditions and has very strong roots. The good thing is that what the bamboo creates can be done by anyone.
Each of us has one bamboo in itself, a so-called inner resilience - the ability to be resilient. But what to do resilient people different?
The roots of the inner attitude
The bamboo takes root, because without firm roots there is no resilient bamboo. Resilient people have strong roots and therefore have strong and stable relationships and contacts. In addition, they approach external things that cannot be changed with an optimistic attitude, accept unchangeable things faster than others and see the sunny side of life even in dark times. But they only succeed in this because they live in connection with themselves and are also deeply rooted in themselves. However, being resilient does not mean that one is never down, worried, or in pain. Of course, resilient people also have worries, but the difference is: they accept them more quickly, do not stay in the situation for long, but rather adopt an optimistic orientation towards action and thus process a crisis more quickly. In the words of the Dalai Lama:
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is voluntary."
This inner attitude can be practiced and trained. The neurosciences clearly show that we can be changed, because we can leave the old nerve connections that always illustrate the same actions and can sense new connections over time. For example, one pattern that many people have is that we withdraw when the stress gets out of hand. We no longer meet friends and put our relationships on hold because we think: “I don't have time for fun and meetings at the moment. Otherwise I can't do the work and I'm already tired. ”But if the to-do list is already inaccessible, it is important to think again and to focus on the topic of connectedness and relationships. Because if you continue to maintain your network and relationships even in times of stress, you will gain new strength in the process.
As countless research results show, close, positive and emotional relationships are the most important source of resilience and satisfaction. In addition, convincing role models, who stimulate positive coping behavior, also help with heavy stress. It is therefore also a good strategy to read the biographies of people who have survived difficult times very well (for example the book: “Still saying yes to life” by Prof. Viktor Frankl).
Strengthen your own self and strengths
No matter how big a crisis may be, in order to survive it is crucial to be aware of yourself and your own strengths. The symbol here is the trunk of the bamboo. Even if the bamboo lay on the ground for a long time under a heavy snow load, it just gets up again and continues to grow. And that up to a meter a day. The bamboo trunk is a person's stable self, these are the “I” strengths. It is therefore important to know yourself well, to reflect and to like and trust yourself even when life is not going well. Resilient people stay with themselves even under pressure and are calm. The better you know who you are and what conditions you need to show what you can do, the less pressure you get. Because then you know exactly when it is time to take a break, ask for support at work or clearly address excessive demands. It is also important to be in tune with what you do and to find meaning in what you are doing. Because if you know “why” you are doing something, the “how” can still be difficult.
The ever green leaves of activity
Of course, it is also crucial in any difficult situation that we have enough energy. We need strength to act, just as bamboo has the strength to bear green leaves all year round. Our bamboo leaves or energy donors are: physical and mental vitality as well as the maximum use of your own freedom of action. Specifically, that means: “What do I focus my attention on? On what is unchangeable or on my scope, which I can positively influence? "
Often the room for maneuver is very small, but if you are careful there is always something that can be changed. Recognizing what is feasible, even in difficult times, is the real art. But if you always focus on the framework conditions of a situation, you will mostly only perceive the unchangeable things and ultimately also not be able to see any room for maneuver. As a result, one will act less and less, more and more passively and thus more and more of a helpless victim. But if you focus more on your own freedom of action, you automatically set free action energies. And you are able to react constructively to the circumstances. This creates a self-reinforcing spiral into doing and positive. So you become your own creator of your circumstances and automatically more resilient.
Because no matter what happens, whether we lose our job, whether the workload grows in the office, we have an accident or whether the company partner leaves you, one thing should never be forgotten: “We ourselves are always in control of the importance we give to something. Or the focus we choose and the step we take next. "
- Brooks, R., & Goldstein, S. (2007). The resilience book: how parents strengthen their children for life - the secret of inner resilience. Velcro cotta.
- Wellensiek, S. K. (2011). Resilience Training Manual.
- Wellensiek, S. K. (2012). Resilience training for leaders: How to strengthen your resilience and that of your employees. Beltz.
- Fröhlich-Gildhoff, K., & Rönnau-Böse, M. (2015). Resilience (Vol. 3290). UTB.
Photo credit: iStock.com/g-stockstudio
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