How can I get to know my husband's story

My unwritten letter: What I always wanted to tell you

There is the first friend you would still fit in today. The friend you had a heated argument with and then never heard from again. The mother-in-law who was not satisfied with anything you did. And there are moments when you think of these people and would like to say something to them, but cannot.

To give you the opportunity to vent your feelings, EMOTION has started the "My unwritten letter" campaign. Whether a nice thank you letter, confession of love or apology - write us your letter to [email protected] and we will publish - anonymously of course - your letter to the person you always wanted to say something to. We look forward to reading from you!

A few ideas who to write to:

  • The first friend you might still fit in today
  • The math teacher who said girls can't do arithmetic
  • The friend with whom you had a violent argument and from whom you never heard from again
  • Together with the parents, although they are now divorced
  • The sister who was always a secret competitor
  • The mother-in-law who is not satisfied with anything you do
  • The grandpa, whose funeral you couldn't come to
  • The ex who never told you the whole truth
  • The saleswoman in the lingerie shop who said: "Pffff, you don't need a bra!"
  • The author who wrote the book that changed your life

July 09, 2019 | 8:23 pm

The biggest mistake was letting you go!

My solid rock, I would never have done it if I had known that you felt the same as me.

We went too far. In the beginning it was just friendship, when did it become more? So many questions, so few answers.

I loved you but I was scared Afraid of not hearing what I wanted to hear. Afraid of losing you and before you could push me away I did it myself. I moved away from you and hoped I could forget what was, but I was wrong.

You are a person that cannot be forgotten, at least I can't and I don't want to anymore.

I'd rather write down everything that was there down to the smallest detail, so that I CAN'T FORGET ANYTHING!

Your voice, your smile, your humorous and honest manner, the strong arms in which I have always felt so safe. I love all that and much more about you.

I will never forget you and never get you out of my head! How should I? Every day I wear the ring you gave me. I can't take it off.

I love you lion

May 15, 2019 | 6:01 pm

My dear friend,

Nobody in my life has changed my life as much as you. When I met you in Advent 2018 in a clinic for people with cancer, it hit me like a bomb. I was allowed to experience you for 4 days in my life and these days were the best of my life. Fortunately, I was able to call you a few more times and keep in touch via WhatsApp, but I knew exactly that we had no future and that we were only dragging each other down.

The two of us, who are sick with this horrible disease cancer and therefore were able to converse in this depth and emotionality, as I have never experienced it before with another person and certainly will not experience it again. I miss you infinitely, even though it was me who pulled the rip cord. Where should it have led? But I miss them infinitely, our nightly phone calls in which only words, voices and feelings were present in the darkness. I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for these wonderful moments, the most beautiful of my life.

I miss you so infinitely that I have shed countless tears because of it and wonder why I have to go through this agony and pain, this grief? My hope is that we will see each other again in another life under different circumstances and that something beautiful can come of it. Your soulful manner, your voice, I miss you so much.

Now I will no longer find out what this disease will do to you?

My only wish I have is that I haven't hurt you too much with my breaking off contact and that you aren't angry with me. Hopefully it didn't cause you any stress. For me, the stress doesn't stop, regardless of whether I would have kept the contact or broke it off, as it is now.

With many good light wishes for you,


July 01, 2019 | 9:00 p.m.

Hello Martin2,

I am writing to you because I still think of you often and have the feeling that I owe you something. You know what happened to me And you know that I cannot easily get involved with others.

I actually have the feeling that you have a lot of understanding and compassion. And I was in love with you, at first sight, totally. And I'm sorry how it went. You are incredibly intelligent and lovely. I wish it would be easier for me to respond to other people and not put my burden and prejudice on them. But I can't get out of my skin.

I believe you loved me and I love you too. Still, I don't dare.

Your little

June 11, 2019 | 11:50 a.m.

It all started 3 months ago ... you were actually just a friend for 5.5 years. We saw each other maybe 3-4 times a year, sometimes wrote.

And then came the one day in March that changed my life. That changed your life too. We have been writing every day for the past 3 months, meeting as often as possible. Things have happened ... if someone had told us half a year ago, we would have laughed at this person or shown a bird. We're just friends !!!

The first meeting alone - exciting, the first look into your eyes - beautiful, the first touch - a little dream comes true, the first kiss - pretty tingly ... and after 3 months the first sex - speechless. We broke our "self-created" taboos, together. Where this is going ... we don't know.

But I know one thing: You have become very important to me, I don't want to be without you, trust in you is unconditional, I don't want to lose you. We are 5.5 years too late for a common path. It is and remains a forbidden love.

June 05, 2019 | 7:14 pm

I just turned 40 and have been in love for 3 years now. I sacrifice myself for our idea, but it a little less.

Well, sometimes she blames her reserve on work, sometimes on the pain, sometimes here, then there, then she has her days ... basically every day is some kind of agony, never relaxed, never just let go, never kissing, never sex.

In short, I feel like a coat hook. A nothing that pays for everything. She has someone else for other things, I think. A woman with two children, a feast for the eyes, emotionally a crutch. Not that I don't understand for 2 years, I don't get sex or a kiss, (that's pathetic but not bad) just that it is not seen and I also have needs that is bad, I should definitely be mistaken or a eunuch become. What scrap, € 400 children's wardrobe 1 then € 1400 children's wardrobe 2, € 400 wallpaper, € 25,000 car, € 1300 rent and an understanding of life and your professional goals.

Every bum on the street has more affection from her than I do ... Smells life that is wasted

May 28, 2019 | 9:47 pm

Knowing someone like you is incredibly good. I have never laughed so much and seen so many positive things in life. I don't believe that you can see something good in everything yourself. I wake up in the morning and the first thought is yours, I soak up our conversations, the laughter, the professional conversations. The child lives in you, which is still allowed to be a child. Nevertheless, you stand firmly in life and know what you want. So often we are out and about together and understand each other without a lot of words. Probably feel the same way so often.

Every day I love you more and I hope you can feel this love. I would love to touch you and give you all my warmth and love. Would love to show you what it feels like to be loved by a woman. But this is the only thing you keep hidden. Why you can't get involved in love I would never want to change you, possibly destroy the child in you. I wish that you always stay who you are, that I love so much and that I can maybe show what love feels like.

May 25, 2019 | 11:32 a.m.

Hey you! To be honest, I don't even know where to start. A lot has happened to "us" recently. I've written quite a bit about you, about the way you are. Poems, letters, all sorts of things. Just written about how wonderful you are. And you still are in my eyes, but I'm so mad at you right now. Or the situation ... call it what you want. Our contact with each other was not wanted by anyone. It's actually very irresponsible that we dared to do it anyway. Sometimes I wish we hadn't, hadn't gone that far.

Because the only thing that is there right now is pain. I was always there for you, no matter what the time and you know that too. I am angry and disappointed. Disappointed in me ... how could I even believe that I can save you ?? You've just kept me in the background for the past few weeks. Still. I'm no longer relevant to you, but everyone else who doesn't appreciate you at all is. If you don't want me in your life anymore, tell me so that I have a clear hand. I will never understand that, but I will accept it. Accept like everything else you've done. We just went too far than we were allowed to ...


May 13, 2019 | 11:03 pm

Then we sat in the restaurant and drank wine.

Merci! You spoke without periods and commas and I listened to you. We kissed intensely as if we'd known each other longer. I looked you in the eye and felt warmth. I saw something special in you. You made me smile again and again with your way. Even if we didn't see each other often, I felt free with you. We spent the evening on the town like teenagers. Drank and laughed in the street until we stumbled into the next pub. I was always very happy about your messages and photos during the day. You let me share something in your life. Probably more to put honey around my mouth. I don't look good, so I have to be able to speak well, were your own words about yourself. At the time, you were the most beautiful man to me. Correct me if I'm wrong.

If I look back now, I would have finished my glass of wine and boarded the subway with a kiss on the right and a kiss on the left.

Since I didn't, I learned from meeting you. Now I've come to a point where I can step out of this situation with a clean slate. But you don't, because you play with other people's feelings and hurt yourself again. I don't know what went wrong in your past. But I wish that you can forgive those around you and that they will forgive you for your behavior and stop hiding your thoughts and feelings. Your mask is slowly becoming brittle.

My life goes on with a man by my side who treats me lovingly and respectfully.

I let you go. Liberating.

With your behavior you will find your counterpart in female form. C'est la vie Monsieur.

May 12, 2019 | 11:21 am

Hi Papa,

It's been exactly 17 years now ... 17 years where you're no longer by my side. I can still see you ... but the memory hurts. You are in the hospital. Your body lies flat on the bed, your lungs are seething ... everything is gasping and seething in you. I want to take you in my arms, want to hold you, but I can't. I'm standing by your bed and I'm petrified. You lie in the hospital for 10 days ... 10 days that change everything. I still want to tell you so much, but I no longer have the opportunity to do so. They gave you morphine so you wouldn't feel your pain.

Was i blind Didn't I want to see it or was I too young ??? I asked the sisters when you would be better and the answer was that you would just lie there to die.

But I'm your "little girl" and I'm not prepared to be without you. I still have so many plans for you. I have now given birth to a healthy son and I know you would have done anything for him. Sometimes in my dreams I see you playing soccer together or you sing your song. The song that accompanied me through my childhood. Tuttifrutti ... I will never, never forget you. I just want to tell you again how much I love and miss you.

My papa, in eternal bond,

your little girl.

March 21, 2019 | 5:12 pm


I'm not into such kitschy stuff, no question about it, just thinking that I'm writing this makes me question myself. But there is something I have to get rid of ..

When I first saw you, I knew it was going to be an adventure. I saw you once and I couldn't get you out of my head. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I know there was a reason I met you. Then we really got to know each other at a party, I didn't want to come at first, but something had guided me to leave. And zap, we talked, got along great and then something happened that turned my life completely upside down .. You kissed me over and over again during the evening, in between I hugged you and it felt so right , so secure, as if what was happening was right. Then when we sat on the floor with my head on your thigh and we held our hands, I wanted the moment not to end. It was nice.

For a long time I thought about what happened that evening, how much meaning it all had and what happens next. We met again and again we kissed .. And again I thought it was beautiful. I've known for a long time that this probably means more to me than friendship, but how do you feel?

Once you said that I was the best thing that happened to you, but did you really mean it? It is terrifying how long you can occupy yourself with a single question. The worst part is that I'm terrified of losing you. I am afraid that at some point I will no longer be able to experience what we have experienced so far. These moments make me happy, fulfilled, but when you are different than usual, I drown in this feeling and want to tear my heart out, throw it against the wall and never feel anything again. Maybe you understand, maybe you don't. Maybe you like me too, just like I like you.

March 13, 2019 | 4:44 pm

Hello O.,

if I had the chance to do certain things differently and decide again, then you would be right at the front. You would probably even have the pool position, as they say in racing. How could I be so stupid as to let you go I don't know how many times I've thought of you in the last few years? What are you doing, how are you doing? I can still hear your voice, I remember your eyes, your skin, the many freckles, the hours together and especially the hot nights.

Our start was bumpy because I stumbled out of a relationship that wasn't really a real one. Still, I behaved badly and couldn't cope with it. You couldn't make up your mind either. Every morning after you woke up next to me, you drove to your mother, who was waiting for you at home with hot milk and a sandwich. I would have loved to have breakfast with you, actually I would have loved to wake up next to you every day, would have loved to live and live with you, but I didn't dare to ask you. You never introduced me to your parents, I happened to see your father in front of your parents' house.

I've always been unsure of what role I play in your life. Was I just that clique girl? An interim solution? I tried to lure you out of your reserve in a different way, flirted with other men and ... I wanted to make you jealous, in no way let it be seen that I need, desire, want you. Nobody meant anything to me. Then suddenly you met another woman whom I only found out about by a stupid coincidence.

With and with her everything was suddenly possible. I can still remember that evening in the pub, my saying, which was supposed to look cool. Seemed like that too. To be honest, I was hurt and too proud on the other side. I didn't want to let anything show. I knew I lost you Moved away shortly afterwards.

The fact is, I never really told you what you meant to me, how much I loved you.I wanted you to have a child - actually a bunch of children. I have children now too. My very best luck! But to be honest, I made a wrong decision, a wrong choice, and not just back then. I've never been as unhappy as I've been in the past few years. I've never been so hurt, so humiliated. What if I ...? I haven't thought so much about any question. At that time I was too young, stupid, naive, inexperienced and ... I never told you that you were the man of my life. I never forgot you and I never will.

In love - little one

February 15, 2019 | 12:28 p.m.

There are so many things I would like to tell you or ask you, but I don't have the courage to speak. I hate this protective wall, there are so many fears and doubts and now I am missing your love, which makes it even harder for me to talk to you. This fear of losing you or you couldn't love me anymore, makes my wall grow higher and higher.

Is this how love feels Shouldn't one be happy? You are not happy here, you hate this city and everything around it, I feel your dissatisfaction and that pulls me down. I love you more than anything, it will always be like that, but I know that this is not enough for you. I just want to know where I am and I want you to go when you don't want to be here anymore, because I feel guilty, I always have the feeling that I'm a block on your leg. It breaks me and my soul. I can't be happy if it's not you. Forgive me for the question but do you still love me?

In eternal love,


February 18, 2019 | 10:48 a.m.

You four children,

One of you stood by me, you showed strength. I am 58 years old. I was married for 27 years, I was young. At the age of 19 the first child of an alcoholic. I wanted to change the world, I was naive enough to think I could drive the booze out of the house. Be happy. Error, after my parents died very early 47 years old, my mother and my father were 55 years old when they left. We were 12 siblings. I had nice years in which you were given to me.

I kept everything away from you. I was there when you needed me. Children's rheumatism was added. I secretly cried many many tears. Sometimes I counted how many years I still have to make before I die. I didn't want you to have to give up your home because of me. I endured humiliation and alcohol. Then the alcohol was fought, only the man got worse. We older, you grown up.

You had children of your own, that's what I was there for too, you had no money, no food or cigarettes. I sold all my gold jewelry behind your father's back ... then in 2006 I left your father. My brother always said, oh stop justifying yourself, you left this man 20 years ago. I always thought nobody had noticed how unhappy I was.

In short, I didn't know that hell would get any deeper. I left my husband. My eldest daughter still said to me, mom where was dad all these years, he was never there for us. If you are unhappy then go. She is with the three children who have avoided me for 13 years and never wanted to see me again. You made me a grandma. Married .. Schooling all without me.

My one brother left in October last year. I accompanied him to the hospice for 16 days, I know what love is to be solidarity, for that I am grateful, not bitter. I was raised with a lot of blows. Abused. Lots of tears in marriage, after marriage, but I keep getting up. I am grateful that I am allowed to live. Enjoy all the beautiful things. I am proud that a daughter has given me a third grandchild. All in all, I would be nine times grandma. I wish my children that they always stay happy and healthy. That they raise their children with love. Not because they are mad at me, pass it on to them.

February 2, 2019 | 9:54 p.m.

Hi Markus,

You were interested in me and wanted to meet me, but when I talked to your buddy and he said that I was way too young, you broke off contact. That was six months ago and you are now 16 and I am almost four years younger, but was your boyfriend really the reason that you just don't want to do anything with me anymore?

We haven't spoken much lately, but on our last phone call you very often contradicted yourself. And despite all the shit you do to me, you still mean so much to me. Yes I like you. Even very. When I saw you again about 8 months ago, after 5 years, the difference to before was stark and I had already fallen in love with you a bit, but after our conversations, some of which were very private, I got over my head in love with you !!! And over and over again I ask myself the same question: "Do you love me too?" Why do you always look at me like that? One thing is certain, I HAVE to talk to you!

January 20, 2019 | 9:33 pm

I don't even know where to start: first of all, I'm sorry that our friendship has broken up so much, but part of me is really happy about it. I always had you in my heart, but suddenly you met other people and were no longer yourself. At first I thought it was a phase, but then you were just always strange to me as soon as my friends or yours Friends were there. When you were with me you always only talked about your problems and I tried to help you as best I could and if I needed your help afterwards you always fell asleep.

Suddenly I couldn't talk to you anymore. That hurt me. I talked to my mom and even she said it was strange. That there was a time when I had no nerve to talk to you was maybe because someone in my circle died. I would never have expected that you didn't even notice that and noticed how sad I was, because you might have already noticed because even my classmates approached me.

That you were so strange when we were in the swimming pool - I just couldn't understand you completely and I can turn it around as I want. I just don't do it anymore !! I hope you will be happy in your life and meet other people !! I still hope that in 10 years we can meet again and talk to each other normally and not ignore the other !!

January 19, 2019 | 10:51 p.m.

Dear C.,

now I'm sitting here listening to "idontwannabeyouanymore" by Billie Eilish on a loop and actually writing a letter to you. A letter you will never receive. Because we are out of contact and I have to stop myself from contacting you. Because I more or less promised you. It is still not easy for me to accept the loss of our friendship. Whenever I think it's okay, a word, a name, and I get sad again. Think back to our time together, which was so short. A year. It lasted a year before it broke. A wonderful year. I remember with a smile on my face how we spied on Holmes and Watson, like my father, to see if he was spying on me on the internet. Or our long voice messages, which sometimes lasted for an hour.

Do you remember the day when my parents actually agreed that the two of us could go on vacation together? I still remember how I lay outside in the garden and was as happy as I haven't been in a long time about going to Sweden with you!

And Sweden. It was wonderful. I will probably always only associate Sweden with you. The song, the lake, the cinnamon rolls, the bicycles, the old, musty houses, the 'secret' sneaking away in the evening to go to our secret stone circle and wait in the dark for moose that we haven't seen. The fun club dance, playing cards in the clubhouse, the sauna day and bathing in the cold lake.

Our conversations, which were sometimes so stupid and yet so profound that I felt so close to you. The stupid Snapchat photos and my even stupid dance that I did for you in the lounge. I miss this time with you. The time in Sweden. But also the time after that. When you came to me about a year ago. To me, to my apartment and we had so much fun. When we saw Saw while eating pizza and Ben & Jerry's. When, on a sudden impulse, we photographed ourselves in underwear and felt incredibly sexy. When I wore your glasses and pulled on your e-shisha. When we baked cookies and ate the hottest sweet potato fries at Hans im Glück. When we chatted and talked and we were so carefree.

I miss your lively, bright manner. I miss your understanding, your listening, your optimism. I miss the feeling of being able to open myself completely to you. I've rarely had anything like this in my life. I know you went through a rough time, and probably still go through it. I am aware that you have changed over the past year. You said to me that you were jealous that I was better and you were worse. I can understand, I really do. But despite all that, it hurts so much that it's over. I thought I could really pull it off when I finally told you that I need to break away from you. Because I noticed that our friendship is no longer what it used to be for you.

That, according to you, we only fit together because of our mental illnesses. Even if I see it differently and you were a true friend to me - I will not be able to change the way you view these things. And no matter how often I still dream of you at night, that we will meet again and talk to each other - they are only dreams. Even if I can't hear the words Sweden, Cookies and your hometown without a pang, I'll have to deal with it. Even if I look at your stories and posts on Instagram and I would love to tell you so many things - I will be silent. You are not my first loss of friendship - but with one of the ones who has moved me the most and still does.

I hope I can do it. That I can finally finish with it. But the photos from our trip to Sweden are still on my pin board. I don't have the heart to leave her behind. But I have to learn to deal with it. Dear C., even if you will hopefully never read this, I wish you all the best in this world. I wish you so much that you will be happy, that you will be able to laugh carefree again and that the people who mean so much to you will stay in your life. I miss you so much and I am grateful for the wonderful short time we had.

In love, E.

December 24, 2018 | 12:39 am

What does happiness mean to you?

For some it is family or love and friends. But my luck is that I got to know someone like you through you I learned a lot in life.

Everyone writes their own story, you are my story. Now you are no longer there, why because you gave up, because you thought that when I was with you you were no longer you, because you were afraid to hurt me. Your goodbye was the greatest pain for me. You lost by leaving me, so you showed me your weakness, how unstable you can be. You fight for what you need most. So life is what you want most if you don't get it or you fight for it until you reach happiness.

I love you, since you left I am and always will be half. I need you baby..

December 10, 2018 | 9:16 pm

To Tobias, a dream guy!

When I first saw you, I backed out of the building because I thought I was wrong. You responded. I was fascinated: what a young, handsome and stately man. In my expectations you were short, skinny and ageless. Reality surpassed those love movie heroes.

I later read your résumé. My age - you can't believe it. I had to take a closer look at you or get to know you. He must have flaws. But no interesting, entertaining, attentive and a very erotic voice. Your brown eyes can look sweet, challenging, and mischievous. Sometimes you're a little macho, then my whole body hurts when I want to be hugged by you.

I try everything to be around you. I only have one wish: I want to be yours. You are a professional musician but not a specialist idiot. You are a globetrotter and connoisseur. What sky did you fall from? I've already written you a letter, you didn't notice that it was from me. The coffee drinking will probably be canceled. With love, Mo

November 30, 2018 | 7:13 pm

For you Every second that I am allowed to spend with you is the most beautiful of my life. No one in the world has ever given me what you give me with every look. Just the thought of losing you makes me cry These tears show me that I need you to be able to live. I cannot put into words how strong my feelings are for you. Day and night my thoughts are yours. Only you can make my face shine. Only with you can I live the way I want to. You show me the way I have to go to be happy. You give me what I've always been missing. Thank you for always being there for me! ❤❤❤

November 25, 2018 | 9:33 pm

Hello Alex!

Our marriage seems to me recently as a tightrope act .. I (heavily pregnant) feel constantly abandoned & alone and you told me today that I would restrict you and set up bans! Pregnancy is now very exhausting .. I run to the toilet almost every 15 '.. I don't come out the door often because my pelvis hurts so much .. How happy I am when you come home from work and I can talk to someone. . You go to the gym after work .. I've never forbidden you to do that .. You go fishing at the weekend .. It used to be 2-4 hours ..

In the meantime you are away from 8 am to 2 pm or, as was the case last time, even-6 pm. I don't forbid you to do that, I just don't know how I can make it clear to you .. that I would have been happy too .. if you might have taken me somewhere .. I'm currently locked in because of my pregnancy and with me for 1 hour on the weekend Eating a piece of cake and a cup of coffee for his wife can't be asking too much! I did everything myself at home until the end, although the doctor repeatedly emphasized that I should take it easy! I haven't done anything for 1 week and that's how it looks. I'm already afraid of the puerperium .. I now have the feeling .. I can't rely on you ... Besides, you flee .. I can't get to you .. and wonder if I still want it ...?

Lately you wanted to drive 2 hours away to pick something up with someone there .. If the contractions had started .. and you would have gotten into the traffic jam there .. If you had bad luck, it would have taken 3-4 hours to get home .. I asked you not to drive and to cancel .. You said, I will check you and issue prohibitions, you would not let me lock you up!

You are so little there for me .. I had to miss you so often in the last few weeks .. At home you are always sitting on the other end of the couch .. instead of cuddling with your wife .. I'm shocked about that .. I think there are no words!

I am slowly noticing .. how I don't care about everything and how little I want you to be with me in the delivery room .. when I am in severe pain and we are now so strangers.

I ask myself ... if I won't pack my things tomorrow and move out spontaneously ... to at least experience some affection for the remaining 2 weeks that I have left ... during which I can stay with my mother and let myself be mothered.

I feel so down .. And talking doesn't help .. you turn on the TV or leave .. I feel so pushed into a corner .. I love my child .. so much .. it is an absolute dream child for me .. and it's your fault .. that I get thoughts of remorse, that I can no longer be so easily free ..

I just find it so sad that I could not enjoy my pregnancy as a whole, ..

Your wife who sits in the bedroom while you crouch in the living room ..

November 17, 2018 | 10:05 p.m.

Hello T.,

I know that you don't care what I think and feel, but maybe it will help me if I write what I think and feel in public again. To this day I have not been able to cope with the separation from you and I have not had the opportunity to tell you about my side. No you think what you want to hear, even if it is not the truth. You stand in your own way.

Nobody was allowed to notice what was going on between us at the time. You have always lied to yourself and others. And that is exactly what you are doing again now while I am telling you my thoughts and feelings. Everything is too much, only that you make life difficult for one and you do not see that being destroyed. We had so many great moments, it hurts to think back on them.I try to distract myself every day, but it doesn't make you any easier when you see each other and bump into each other.

When one is near you and just wants to come to you, but one cannot and is not allowed to. But with the letter I have made it up to myself that I will release you now and that you will have your freedom again. I don't want to run after you anymore, you know and don't understand how much I need you. So farewell in the hope that at some point you will understand what I wanted and then it will be too late

Your loving EX girlfriend with tears in her eyes

October 20, 2018 | 00:01 am

Suddenly we were standing next to each other on the dance floor and your hand was holding mine. Maybe for five seconds. In any case, until I realized it and we were both shocked at the naturalness with which our hands remained at that moment. Just a moment ago we had just packed up wonderfully together and laughed ... and then this: Your hand held mine. It felt like it just had to be. As if it were the most normal and at the same time the most exciting in the world.

Our colleagues danced around us. Those who know you as a married man and a father. And me as a forgiven woman. So I quickly put the distance between us again. At least physically.

Yes, I felt beforehand that there was something between us. I feel it again and again as soon as I'm around you and we look each other in the eye.

I want to tell you so often. Although it is not even clear to me what exactly "it" would actually be ...

One thing is clear: I can't. It's not working. I will never be able to tell you any of this. Somehow I don't even want to. The fear of what carelessly spoken words could trigger is far too great. Still, I sometimes despair of saying what you are to me. That's probably why I had to at least tell you recently that "you cut". That is so nice without obligation and still expresses in a light-footed way that I like you.

What "you cut" doesn't say, however, is that I feel very comfortable with you. That you ground me That I love to spend my lunch break in your presence and to switch off briefly during the smoking breaks with you on the roof terrace. That I would like to be close to you. That my heart beats faster when we happen to touch. That to laugh with you warms my heart and that to be silent with you envelops me in security.

Today we both leaned against the ledge of the balcony and saw our reflection in the window. When our eyes met there and didn't know where to go, we were fortunate to have company.

The feeling was similar to when you held my hand on the dance floor a year and a half ago.

In another life I would not have let go of you then. There would have been no distance between us. And I would have kissed you

In another life today I would have turned my gaze away from our reflection in the mirror and towards you. I would have laughed at you and asked you what this was all about. About the two of us ...

September 03, 2018 | 11:47 pm

My soul of love

We met 2 months ago, our time was intense, so intense that I felt from the first moment that we already knew each other. We kissed, we made love, we held each other, we talked, we laughed, we argued, we made up, we looked into our future, thought we were pregnant, we knew we weren't, we built ourselves up, we saw we were crazy, we argued again and you hurt me and I hurt you and you leave me.

The breakup was one of the toughest times I had to go through, even though our time was so short. I tried to let go of you, first in love and gratitude, then in anger and anger, then again in love and gratitude and suddenly, when I let go of you, you came back again. I hated you for reporting back. I was so mad that I had to scream. I've never felt such anger. And I believed that you were a narcissist.

But I gave you the chance to explain yourself. You told me that you miss me, that you are sorry, that you still feel comfortable with me, that I am beautiful, that you love to argue with me, that you might not love me, but you don't want to that our time is over because you enjoyed everything with me and I was special to you. You hold my hand, you told me that I made mistakes too. I confessed my mistakes and told you to think.

You gave me the time And I decided to give you one more chance, but better take care of me this time. I wanted to meet you and you are happy that I made my decision without you knowing my decision. Shortly before our meeting, you canceled me on the grounds that you want to stay in friendship with me and don't want everything to get worse between us.

So I took your message until I replied days later that I was okay with it. I tried to turn my love into friendship because I knew that hate, anger, and anger were not going to be the right way to let you go. I knew that because you are a narcissist you couldn't help it. I knew that you still like me. I felt that.

But we shouldn't be made for each other, at least not in this life. 2 days later you came to me, we talked for hours, you were constantly busy telling me how beautiful I am and that you couldn't concentrate. You wanted me to be close. After a couple of hours, I gave in. We made love again. It was like all the bad had never happened before. You loved me i loved you We both couldn't believe it. However, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't start thinking about you too much, wanting to write to you, wanting to see you again. I promised myself that I had forgotten my illusion of a relationship with you and would only enjoy the time I had with you.

Now 5 days after I'm sitting here and it feels like weeks that I last saw you. Do you think of me I don't know, but it doesn't matter either. We were special to each other. I will always carry you in my heart. I will never hate you because I know I wanted too much that you could never have given me. I will never blame you for all that you did. However, from now on I will love myself more and give myself what I expected from you, namely respect and care.

I wish that at some point you will be able to love again and that you will take your task seriously, to bring love to people. With love and gratitude. A.

August 24, 2018 | 9:07 pm

Dear Samuel,

I know you will probably never read this letter anyway, but I want to tell you that you broke my heart. Back at the camp, you were my first great love. When I saw you I had butterflies in my stomach. I imagined how you put your arm around me. And it was often like that! You made me feel more and more that you love me too. But then you noticed this other one, you hugged her. You didn't care Your problem was that she didn't want anything from you. How could you do this to me, she was my best friend back then. She didn't want anything from you, but you kept pushing her anyway! I know that there was nothing between you, but to this day I cannot suppress these feelings, this anger. And when I confessed my love to you, you just shrugged your shoulders and didn't respond. To this day I don't know what you thought or felt. I wish you a nice future comma but I hope that I never have to watch the boy I am in love with want to be with my best friend again. That was all. The last sweet and bitter remnant. LG M.

August 20, 2018 | 11:22 am

To the best friend I've had. (Dear Ve.),

i know i made a big mistake and i'm really, really sorry. We haven't been in contact for three months now and it's not easy for me. Most of all, I could just cry, it's not so beautiful without you. A few days ago was YOUR big day, which you surely celebrated beautifully and dreamily. And now you are taking a beautiful step into your future. But today I'm sitting here and could just cry - I would have been your maid of honor. So what kind of person am I who has jeopardized friendship just because I acted on my gut feeling. I just didn't know any other way out, just to step down as maid of honor. It must have been really hard for you when you got my message back then and as far as I can put myself in your position, I might have reacted the same way and ended the friendship. It was never my intention to hurt you, let alone lose you as a friend and yet I lost you. I didn't just decide, I thought about it very long and hard. Last year, in my eyes, our friendship wasn't what it used to be.

We both changed, but mostly always in the same direction. But unfortunately we took a wrong turn at some point and I don't know when. When I wrote you all my grief three months ago and sent it to you, I felt really bad that day. I've thought of all the possible scenarios for how you might react, but I didn't think it would hit me so hard after all. I've really realized over time that I've lost you as a friend. And if I look back now, I would do a lot differently. But mistakes cannot be reversed. I was only able to find answers now, but now it is too late.

I also know that you will never read these lines here, but still it is important to me to write them. I want to finally be able to let go, because unfortunately the pain runs deep. I'm really sorry for treating you like that. I wish we could talk about everything again and stand about it, but unfortunately it is already too late for that. Therefore I wish you all the best for your future & that you always have love, great and good people around you. I am very grateful to you for our long friendship, otherwise I would not be the person I am now without you. I thank you for everything that we have experienced together. Thanks to the best friend I've had. I keep our friendship in fond memories.

Much love Di.

August 06, 2018 | 02:53 am

In my eyes you are a thoroughly bad person. Unscrupulous, lying, deceitful, misogynistic and egomaniacal! You lied and betrayed your first wife, me (the second) and now the third. You just gave your best friend, who did everything for you for 20 years, one kick in the buttocks. Even in front of your parents and your children you don't stop with your lies without being aware of how much you trample on the feelings of the people who love you! There is hardly an employee, colleague or supervisor of yours who is well-disposed towards you, because you have tried on all sides to strengthen your position - regardless of "losses". You're a successful businessman - but is that enough justification to be so disrespectful to people? You should be ashamed of yourself! It is no wonder that you hardly have any friends, because once you get to know you properly, you will stay away from you. I wish you with all my heart that at some point you will see what you are doing and why. And I hope for you that you can then still change.


August 05, 2018 | 11:08 am

Visited 40 times, touched 40 times and always bewitched anew - Berlin, what are you doing with me?

Berlin, you show me life!

My first memory of you Love Parade! Wild dancing as soon as you arrive at 12 hours on the "Love Train". Then I will experience you for the first time: a single party mile, full of new and crazy impressions with flower power! You tremble, you are loud, you don't let me sleep, you pull on me. You overwhelm me and I try to survive: The crowd swallows ecstasy, I swallow vitamin C. Victory at the Victory Column. Farewell with 10 cm of garbage under the soles of your feet. Being there is everything. To tell our grandchildren about it. Like Woodstock, we always said that to ourselves. Well, I don't even have children yet - what now? I might write a blog and tell the world, the Berlin lovers of this world ...

Berlin, you are my flow!

I love to just drift inside you and let yourself be surprised. Just stand on the track and then get on the train that comes first. Let yourself guide you with ease and confidence. You give me the impulse to get off when the right stop comes. "Whether we are definitely on the right track," asks an incredulous colleague. "The universe loves you," you reply to me with the sticker on the next street lamp. Hey, you even talk to me and you make me laugh. Where will you take me today I'm getting closer and closer, I can feel that. Now I've arrived and can hardly contain myself with laughter: I'm in the middle of a chocolate factory! Oh, you already have good taste ... and I love your sense of humor! Dolce Vita quite literally….

Berlin, you give me the answer!

The one question in my head for weeks. Endless circles, nothing moves. I ask you the same question, maybe you are smarter than me. Ask you for a sign. Brutally you almost run me into an S-Bahn, make me lose my ring in the department store on Alex… Ok, I'm slowly getting it. Maybe you are right. Let go. But how? I stare at the graffiti on the walls, slowly beginning to perceive my surroundings again. I talk to strangers, throw up my soul ... What do I actually want? Oh yes, I wanted to live. Like you. Then I have to go through there now. Suddenly everything is as clear as day! You showed me the way to myself, let's go, I have to go. Thank you, Berlin!

Berlin, I can be with you!

You offer me oases where I can just be me. Switch off, let go of everyday life and float. Enjoy life wild, freely and wonderfully. Surrender, touch and let life kiss me. Spaces open and the magic of life unfolds. Berlin, you let me breathe. You always bring me a little closer to the divine in this world. A piece of heaven on earth. Thank you for this present! You show me in these moments who I really am! In this way I am allowed to discover the freest version of myself more and more playfully and full of madness ...

Berlin, you give me freedom and peace!

When I'm with you, I can enjoy being alone. Spend valuable me-time with myself. You lead me to places of power that evoke memories. I was particularly fond of the large weeping willow and the energy on this bank is simply indescribable. Again and again I return to this place that has cast a magical spell on me. When everything is quiet I know that you are listening to me. Aha, this is what inner peace feels like.

Berlin, you speak a magical language!

At the enchanted fairy tale fountain, you initiate me into the communication of nature. I try to empty my head in the cold morning air to be filled and inspired by you. When I asked which direction of development I should take, your trees in the park speak a very clear language: Those whose branches only grew in one direction were broken by the storm and hang crookedly over the path. Those whose branches point in two opposite directions have a stable trunk and have found balance in their midst. Oh, that's it, thanks for your tip! Suddenly, making decisions is very easy.

Berlin, you connect very special people!

You enable me to meet like-minded people, with searching souls who go on a hypnotic journey together. We experience the unbelievable together, exchange holy glances, let our future speak to us in magical rituals and see the world with new eyes. Up is down and down is up. Berlin, you are turning my life upside down! I am completely flashed and let the expanse of the Tempelhofer Feld ventilate my head to make room for all the new experiences that still pervade my insides like in a whirled up snow globe ...

Berlin, you are so beautifully colorful!

You combine opposites - just like me. Sometimes you show yourself in black and white and sometimes in neon colors. I love your celebrities, but also the homeless, whose faces I have always been able to conjure up with my Air Berlin chocolate hearts. Berlin, you make the darkest night shine and celebrate the first rays of sunshine with me in the morning. Together we turn fine dust into fairy dust and bring glitter to gray meetings. My pink shoes reflect your love of life and make me feel the earth under my feet even more strongly. The pink hotel on the banks of the Spree inspires my creativity and the DJ can tease my desire to dance, (Gl) amour without end ...

Berlin, you feed me!

Whether with an Indian yoga-ginger-energizing drink in Kreuzberg, at a Tajik tea ceremony, with a Russian pelmeni under the romantic Chagall sky in the S-Bahn arches, with the best currywurst in town or with a tasteful wine in the winery you only pay as much as the evening was worth to you ... you nourish me again and again with your culinary diversity, give me so many beautiful moments of pleasure and I'm pretty sure that you haven't shown me everything yet !!

Berlin, I can never get enough of you!

You've already given me so much, but I'm so sure there is more to it. I can hardly wait until you invite me back and let me in on your secrets. A good friend once dared to summarize my motto in life with "Born to die in Berlin". I don't know whether this prophecy will come true. But I know one thing for sure: before death there is still so much to live, live, live! I love life, life loves me ...

.... Berlin, I love you!